


Positively Kimmish

by astudyinfic



Category: The Will Darling Adventures - K.J. Charles
Genre: Canon-Compliant, Friendship, Gen, Set near end of Slippery Creatures
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:34:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27960020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astudyinfic/pseuds/astudyinfic
Summary: Through the years, there was only one person Kim could count on.And here he was, leaning on her once again.
Relationships: Kim Secretan & Phoebe Stephens-Prince
Comments: 10
Kudos: 20
Collections: Yuletide 2020





	Positively Kimmish

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nomeancity](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nomeancity/gifts).



Kim knew from a young age he wasn't like the other boys. It was cliché and trite and he hated himself for even thinking it. No matter how true it was. If he said it out loud, people's minds would go to one place, the same thing everyone appeared to notice when they first met him. 

It would be entirely accurate, he had to admit. 

But that wasn't what he meant when he thought it.

As soon as he could talk, Kim had a knack for getting himself into and out of situations. He knew exactly who he needed to be for each person that he encountered. He could blend in or stand out. He could lie as easily as breathing and he could deceive while telling the truth. 

Everyone thought they knew Lord Arthur Aloysius Kimberly de Barbazon Secretan. Everyone thought themselves special, the one person he truly let know his inner self. If he thought about it, Kim wasn't even sure _he_ knew his inner self. Which might have been a sign of something, but he chose not to think too closely about that.

His parents didn't know him. They saw him as a disappointment, the one who shirked his duties as the second son. Because of him, they lost their youngest to a war Kim’s brother was never supposed to fight in. As far as they were concerned, his only job now was to marry well and not make a fool of himself so as to not reflect poorly on the family name. What he wanted and who he was didn't matter when compared to the name and title he carried. The Secretan place in society was all that mattered. So Kim only mattered in that he improved the family standing and if he didn't do anything detrimental. 

He'd been doing detrimental things ever since. 

In his darker moment, he wondered if he would ever be welcomed back to Homeclere. 

In his darkest moments, he wondered what type of event would drive him back there in the first place.

Chingford didn't know him. A status climbing copy of their father, Kim was pleased about that bit of knowledge. The last thing he wanted was for his brother to understand anything about him. That would be the worst possible fate. 

Sometimes, he thought maybe his boss at the Private Bureau understood. Despite their different backgrounds, something in DS's eyes told Kim that he knew where he was coming from, that he knew what was going on inside Kim's head. There were occasions where he wished DS would fill him in because he wasn't entirely sure himself.

Out of everyone in his life, there was only one person who even came close to knowing the true Kim Secretan. The only person in the world he truly considered a friend and the one who had never let him down in all the years they knew one another. Phoebe was his best friend, the person who understood him and, when she didn't understand, she chose to look past it. She saw him at his worst and still loved him for it. Not many people did that. In fact, no one else did that. They were far more likely to lay blame at his feet, knowing that with his social status, he could take it. And he would. 

Phoebe liked to tell him that he would be his own worst enemy if he wasn't so busy finding other people to do that for him. (She said it to someone not too long ago, and apparently, it was stuck in her mind. It had now come up five times in the last week and Kim was rather tired of hearing it.)

But when he was in dire straights, there was one person in his life he could count on to be there for him. She was his rock as he was hers. They were a good match, socially. No one questioned their engagement. It was generally agreed upon that not many other people would want them. Phoebe could probably have had her choice of men if she wanted to live that life but Phoebe was never going to be the woman a good society husband would want her to be. And Kim wouldn't have been able to bear it if he was forced to stand back and watch her suffer. 

No one wanted to marry him. His reputation preceded him and he was at the point in his life where there was nothing left that he could do about it. 

Phoebe didn't care. She loved him for who he was - all the flawed, broken, frustrating pieces of him. 

Which was why, when he knew he'd mucked things up even more than usual, she was the person he turned to.

"Darling, I don't understand what the problem is," she said for the tenth time that night. "Just go talk to him."

Kim didn't turn to face her, focusing instead on the drink he was mixing. It was a tradition when one or both of them was having a bad time. Drinks at his home, a refuge for them both. He hadn't had to say anything but with Phoebe, he rarely had to. Kim often wondered if she did know him better than he knew himself. It seemed like it sometimes. 

She was, after all, the one who sought Will out in the first place, to let him know that what they had was okay with her. Whatever it was that they had. 

Which was supposed to be nothing. 

Will didn't deserve to be saddled with someone like him. Will was better off without him.

"Whatever it is that you are thinking, just stop it right now. You're overthinking things again and I've told you so many times not to do that," she scolded, taking the drink he'd fixed her with a bright smile. "You really would do better just to listen to me, you know."

Solid advice. Kim would do better if he listened to anyone but himself, he thought. But he was the one who got himself into this mess and he didn't need his fiancé to try and get him out. "It's not that easy this time. Will doesn't want to see me and I can't blame him."

"Oh darling, what _did_ you do? I thought you two would be happy after you rescued him." He'd been frantic when Phoebe called him and told him about Will being taken. For six days, he did nothing but search for his missing lover. And then, once he found Will, he ruined everything. 

Phoebe knew part of the story. The part where Kim was the hero and Will was elated to see him. Phoebe didn't know the part where he betrayed Will in the middle of rescuing him, lied to his face, and then ran back to London after leaving him somewhere out of the way with no quick method to get home. 

She also didn't know about the man who died a day ago, not ten feet from where she was now sat. Some things were better left unsaid.

But even if she didn't know exactly what he had done, Phoebe could probably guess the important parts. Like how Kim did something ruin what might have been the best romantic relationship he'd ever had. Kim certainly wouldn't have called her over if he and Will were still celebrating the rescue.

"I did exactly what I also do in these kinds of situations. I decided what the best course of action would be, then followed it to the natural conclusion of it blowing up in my face." Kim believed in what he did. Sincerity was never the issue. It just seemed that sometimes his brain got ahead of his heart and he ended up in worse shape, even if he did his job perfectly. 

Taking his own drink, he sat next to her, head tipped back, eyes closed. He'd done it again but he wasn't the only one to suffer this time. He'd hurt Will and that was far worse than anything he did to himself. "I should never have gotten involved with him. Things are easier when I can keep my emotions out of it."

"Or you just needed to be honest with him because knowing you, there was some elaborate justification in your head as to why lying to him was the best option. Will isn't an idiot, darling. He was going to find out sooner or later."

"He didn't need to find out at all. I shouldn't have brought him in on any of it." Kim glowered into his drink, ruminating on all the things he did wrong. 

Phoebe's tinkling laughter pulled him out of it and he blinked at her, nonplussed. "Oh! I understand! You are being positively Kimmish right now!"

"And what is that supposed to mean?" he snapped.

She turned to face him, putting one of her hands on top of his own. "It means that you have decided to punish yourself by making yourself miserable. You've decided that if you do not talk to him, eventually Will will forget all about you, right? But I bet not once did you stop and ask him what he wants, did you?"

No, he hadn't, but Kim wasn't going to admit it. Clearly, Phoebe already knew so there was no point in confirming it. "It's for the best."

"Says you. You know I love you but you are really not the person to be deciding what is best for anyone. Particularly yourself." She patted his hand. "Kim, darling, you would hurt yourself if you thought it was best for anyone you care about. You do it so often, in fact, that I'm not sure you're aware of it anymore. I know you've made sacrifices for me and you are trying to make them for Will. You know how much I love and appreciate you. Anyone in the world would be lucky to have a friend like you, but you need to stop thinking yourself in circles and go talk to him. Because while I find your white knight tendencies endearing, not everyone will. Will least of all. The sooner you realize that, the better. "

Kim loved Phoebe with all his heart and he knew she was right but... "But what if he doesn't want me back in his life?" Or even more terrifying… "What if he does?" No one stuck around Kim for very long. Phoebe was the only one. But maybe Will would as well.

"If he doesn't, then he was never worth you in the first place," Phoebe said with the lightness that only she possessed. "And if he does, then you make it work. Do you hear me, darling? Will is a good man and he deserves nothing less than your best."

"I know. I _know_. But how do I be my best? I don't even know what that is."

Phoebe stood, leaving her glass on the table. Giving Kim a kiss on the cheek, she smiled. "Then we will find out together. You and me. And Will, of course. Probably Maisie as well. It will be great fun!"

For Phoebe, maybe. Kim very much doubted that he would enjoy it. 

"Well, I must be off. Things to do and people to see. And you need to get over to a certain bookstore and grovel the best that you can. I know you can do it, darling. I have faith in you."

"That makes exactly one of us." He stood as well, helping her into her coat. "Will I see you tonight?"

Phoebe laughed, shaking her head. "No, because you are going to go in there and charm him and not be so Kimmish and then you will be busy for the rest of the night. Call me tomorrow and tell me everything. Love you!" And with that, she was gone, leaving Kim slightly stunned in her wake."

Standing in the foyer of his loft, Kim sighed. According to his heart and to his best friend (and it was amazing how often those two agreed), he should go and try to apologize to Will. According to his head, he should stay away for Will's own good. Indecision kept him firmly rooted in one spot for several long minutes. 

Listening to his head was what got him into this mess. And listening to Phoebe had yet to steer him wrong. 

With that in mind, Kim grabbed his coat and headed for the door. He could be at the bookshop in a few minutes. He would work out what to say to Will on the way. 

And later, he would find a way to thank his fiancé for being the smartest person he knew. She deserved better than him but he would make sure she knew how much he loved her for being the one constant in his life, his only friend, his better half, and his personal conscious. 

Kim knew he was lucky to have her.


End file.
